Posted on Mon, Feb 22, 2010
Ideas about Change:
The psychology and coaching fields have lots of ideas about change–what facilitates change, what maintains change, and whether change is even possible.
Systems theorists talked about trying to get to a ’state of homeostasis’, where the system—i.e. your life within your context–was balanced. Change was considered bad within this context and ‘maintaining’ healthy ‘patterns’ was the goal.
Another idea about change was Prochasta’s and DiClemente’s 6 stages of change. Simply put, in the first stage, you don’t know there’s a problem so there’s no reason to change; in the second, you know there’s a problem, but don’t really know if you want to do anything about it; in the third, you’re tentatively making some plans to make some changes; during the 4th, you take action for at least 3-6 months; in the 5th, you maintain the changes for anywhere from 6 months to 5 years, and the last stage occurs when your new healthy habits are entrenched.
Focused solution therapists like myself, believe change is constantly happening. Change can happen really quickly and the solution may have nothing to do with the problem. Solution focused therapists help you focus on what you want and what you can do to get there. We think about change as little steps you can take to help things go the way you want them to go. The focus becomes about goals, on what you specifically want, and progress or change is talked about throughout the process. What may be helpful is making refinements in the steps along the way.
My recent experience with change/goal setting:
You may remember me talking about my challenge creating new habits with food. All during the fall I knew there was something wrong and was trying to bring myself back to health by getting lots of sleep, taking my vitamins, and eating well. What I didn’t know was that a lot of the food I was eating was making me sick. Eventually, I keyed into food’s role and went to get some allergy testing. For a time, I experimented with moderation. It was Christmas afterall! Once I got serious about these changes, I found myself eating the forbidden foods once in awhile whilst thinking, it’s not fair, and trying once again to stick to my plan. Eventually, I did some reading on food intolerances and really got a good handle on what was happening to my body when I had that cream in my coffee or a bite of freshly baked bread. What I read made sense to me and I was able to accept and embrace idea of a changed diet. The forbidden foods I had been eating no longer seemed appealing because I knew what the outcome would be. I’ve begun to really enjoy the meals I’m making and love how good I’m feeling.
Would I say these were stages? No. I know the process might look very different for someone else. Once my new diet made sense to me, it was meaningful and I believed in it, I no longer felt deprived. I feel lucky to know what to do to live feeling really good. I also know that what makes a difference to me may be very different for someone else. I know how long it takes for someone to make a change become a habit and how s/he makes it become so may be vary widely.
What’s been your experience with change?
When you wanted something to change, what did you want to have happen instead? What did you want your life to be like? What did you do that helped? What helped make this change a habit? Did you have to tweak your goals or the steps that you took to reach your goals? How has this experience benefitted what you do today?
I welcome your comments!
About the author:
Renée Meggs is a Registered Psychologist who works with adults and children to help them do what works, both in counselling and coaching. If you’d like to book an appointment or inquire about my services, please e-mail me at reneemeggs@focusedsolutionscounselling.com and/or go to my website at http://reneemeggs.com. I can meet with you in person, on the phone, or on-line.
Posted on Sat, Feb 13, 2010
For a couple of weeks I’ve been talking about sadness and depression. I.e. how you know if you’re sad or depressed, and imagining what your life will be like when sadness or depression are no longer a part of it. As you read last week’s post, you may have asked yourself, is this woman off her rocker? What’s the point of dreaming of a good life? This week, I’m going to tell you why, and I’m going to ask you to think about times when you may have been feeling really good and invite you to begin–or continue–to build a foundation that will get you where you want to go.
Traditional counselling about depression
Far too often in traditional counselling, therapists and the people they work with spend an awful lot of time looking at what’s wrong, carefully looking for signs and symptoms of disorder, and trying to uncover the origins of the problem or the patterns of dysfunction that have, or are contributing to depression. Then the all-knowing therapist may point out cognitive distortions and teach the person they’re working with the correct way to think, act, and live.
New ways to work with people who are sad
There are a growing number of therapists like myself who approach working with people differently. We believe that it’s really important to develop a vision of where you want to be when the troubles that contributed to sadness are no longer around.
Without knowing where you’re headed, how will you tell when you’ve gotten there? How will you know that you’re on your way?
There are some who may say, “I’ll know when I’m not…”
Is happiness just the absence of something…like sadness…or it is something more?
I believe it’s much more and I’ve invited you to see, hear, and feel what you want to be doing when you’ve moved past sadness or depression.
Exceptions…
Review what you know your life will be like when sadness or depression are no longer a part of it.
Are there any times now when bits of this vision are happening, even in the smallest of ways? What ’s helping you feel even a tiny bit better? What have you been doing that’s helped that to happen?
Have there been any times in the past when life was going the way you wanted it to go? What was happening? What were you doing that helped it to go that way?
What difference does it make knowing that either you’re doing some things now that are making you feel a bit better, or that you know you’ve done things in the past that have helped?
Think of someone who knows you well from the present or past. What would s/he/they say they’ve noticed you doing in the present or past to feel better? Be as specific and detailed as you can.
A next step…
Suppose you did one of those things again. What’s one small thing you can imagine doing in the next week or so that would move things up a notch so that you felt a bit better? What do you think the person or people above would say they could see you doing?
Pay attention
In the days ahead, as an experiment, pay attention to what you’re doing that’s helping you feel even a little bit better– especially anything you’re doing that you might not have noticed before. Keep track what difference this makes in how your day goes.
A final word
You deserve to live a good life. What can you do to help make that happen?
About the author:
Renée Meggs is a Registered Psychologist who works with adults and children to help them do what works, both in counselling and coaching. If you’d like to book an appointment or inquire about my services, please e-mail me at reneemeggs@focusedsolutionscounselling.com and/or go to my website at http://reneemeggs.com. I can meet with you in person, on the phone, or on-line.
Posted on Mon, Feb 08, 2010
Last week in my blog, I talked about how you know if you’re depressed. Whether you’re clinically depressed or feeling really sad, I know it’s not where you or someone you know wants to be. This week I’m going to help you create an image of the way you would like your life to be when sadness or depression have packed their bags and gone away.
Choose a quiet place and give yourself plenty of time.
Take a deep breath…and another one. Get in a comfortable position. If it helps, put on some comfortable clothes and go someplace that helps you feel relaxed–somewhere quiet outside or inside–that you can let your imagination flow. Have you gone to that place? When you’re ready, read on below…
Create a vision:
When sadness or depression is no longer a part of your life, what will be different? What will you be doing when your life is going the way you want it to go?
See it.
Take a moment to close your eyes and visualize. What do you see? Are you inside, outside, alone, with friends, co-workers, or family? What is it that you’re doing? What colours, shapes, and textures do you see? Are you in a calming environment, a fast-paced and energetic one, or someplace in between? Imagine going throughout a day when life is going exactly the way you want it to go… Create a detailed snapshot of it.
Hear it.
What do you hear when life is going the way you want it to go? Do you hear a voice, a few voices, or many people? Is there a buzz of excitement in the air, do you hear traffic, machinery, music, silence, or the sounds of nature–loud crashing waves, the wind blowing, or birds calling? There is no right or wrong to these sounds. They’re exactly what you’ll be hearing when sadness or depression are no longer a part of your life.
Feel it.
What do you feel to have been able to successfully leave sadness behind? Accomplishment? Pride? Relief? Contentment? Satisfaction? Energy? Something else?
Other people:
What will someone from your present or past notice you doing when sadness is gone? What will someone else notice? What would a family member notice? How about a co-worker? What about somebody whose played a significant positive role in your life, whether s/he’s currently in your life, or someone who used to be? What would s/he see you doing that would tell him or her that you’re really happy? What else would she/he/they notice you doing? Think of as many details as you can.
Capture it.
What will you be doing in your personal life, your work life, or with other people when you’ve moved past sadness or depression? Take as much time as you need to create a vivid picture of what life will be like when you’re feeling good, happy, and content.
If it helps, draw, paint, or create a collage of your vision. Write a song, journal, create a story, or write a poem. Do what helps you really capture what your life is going to be like when sadness or depression no longer play a role.
Next week I’ll talk about some things you might do to make this vision happen.
About the author:
Renée Meggs is a Registered Psychologist who works with adults and children to help them do what works, both in counselling and coaching. If you’d like to book an appointment or inquire about my services, please e-mail me at reneemeggs@focusedsolutionscounselling.com and/or go to my website at http://reneemeggs.com. I can meet with you in person, on the phone, or on-line.