Posted on Mon, Mar 08, 2010
There is a lot of information and support for people who have experienced sexual, physical, and verbal abuse and neglect. Traditional support seems to regard people who have been abused as somehow damaged, dysfunctional, and deficient. There is, however, a growing idea that people respond to abuse in a variety of ways, that they do things to try to stop the abuse, that they may thwart the efforts of the abuser, and may actively do things to protect others from abuse. I want to share some thoughts about both approaches.
Traditional ideas:
Traditionally, people who have been abused have been seen as being really affected by the abuse. There is a belief amongst many traditional helping professionals that this leads people to create dysfunctional patterns such as having no boundaries, seeking out further abuse, or passively staying in dysfunctional relationships. The idea goes further by describing people as being damaged, dysfunctional, or deficient as a result. People are discredited, seen as abnormal, inadequate or lacking in some way.
How dishonouring is that?!?!
Newer ideas : Response-based therapy
There is a growing idea that people resist abuse overtly and covertly–that they do things to show to themselves and others that they object to the abuse. Some overt ways might include telling the abuser to STOP IT! or to run away. Covert ways people resist abuse could include saying something to themselves like, I hate him! or She can get to my body but she’ll never get to my soul!! or I don’t deserve this!!
It’s important to note that resistance doesn’t necessarily mean the person is successful in stopping the abuse. Resistance is making a stand, it’s opposition, and it’s taking action against the abuse through thoughts, feelings, words, or by doing something.
Whether the person is ultimately successful or not is not the point. The point is that people don’t passively accept abuse. They do a variety of things to demonstrate to themselves or others that the abuse is wrong.
Amplifying this in therapy can help conversations transform from I put up with the abuse for years before I left to I did a lot of things to try to stop the abuse; from I’ve never had good boundaries in my relationship to I told him many times to stop but he refused.
What does it all mean?
People use a variety of tactics to prevent, stop, or resist bad treatment. To say people who have been abused become damaged, deficient, or dysfunctional denies acknowledgement of how people respond to, or resist abuse. Amplifying the ways people respond to abuse is honouring and allows room for other strengths to been seen and heard.
About the author:
Renée Meggs is a Registered Psychologist who works with adults and children to help them do what works, both in counselling and coaching. If you’d like to book an appointment or inquire about my services, please e-mail me at reneemeggs@focusedsolutionscounselling.com and/or go to my website at http://reneemeggs.com. I can meet with you in person, on the phone, or on-line.
Posted on Tue, Nov 10, 2009
Last week I was at the annual Solution Focused Brief Therapy Association (SFBTA) conference in Albany. As usual, it was an incredible few days. Terri Pichot, a psychotherapist from Colorado and a board member of the association, talked about three levels of integration of solution-focused ideas that can take place as people learn about SFBT. Here’s my understanding of what she said:
The toolbox approach: Terri talked about how, when people are first learning solution-focused ideas, they believe they are a set of techniques to use and incorporate into their toolbox. The miracle and scaling questions are pulled out of this toolbox along with several other tools depending on the “problem”. Many people add to this toolbox from many therapy orientations throughout their professional lives and believe that this is a valuable way to work with their clients.
Solution-focused brief therapists: As some people continue their learning and thinking about solution focused brief therapy (SFBT), the assumptions or philosophies behind the approach can take on more importance and ideas about ‘technique’ can disappear. Therapists slow down, are more intentional about the questions they ask, and collaborate with their customers to do what works. SFBT becomes the way to approach counselling, coaching, or management.
The solution-focused way of life: This is like solution-focused nirvana. Terri describes someone who approaches every relationship—professional and personal—in a solution-focused way as living a solution focused life. Many can work at achieving this level for many years without fully getting there.
Comments are welcomed!! What do you think? Do you agree with this idea of levels of solution focused integration? Has there been an evolution in your conceptualization of solution focused ideas in this way, or has it looked different? What’s been helpful to you in growing your SFBT skills? What are some ways you can continue to grow your understanding of the assumptions and the approach?
I would love to hear from you!! Please leave a comment below…