Posted on Thu, Mar 15, 2012
I just got back from a two week vacation in Mexico. It was heavenly. Really relaxing and really fun.
As we started to come back though, sh*t started to happen! My husband caught the stomach flu just hours before our flight. He was in rough shape. Then the winds prevented our last plane from being able to leave on time. By the time we landed, it was 1:00 AM, my son thought he was getting sick too and was crying and crying.
Shortly after we woke up the following day, we got a call that my step-son was in an accident during gym. We spent all day at the dentist and the hospital while they worked on his broken teeth and wrist.
We had to postpone our return to work while my son had another day off from school.
The following morning as I drove on the highway to work, my car broke down. My cell wasn't working. I had to walk back to town to a gas station and call for help. My timing belt was broken. It would take 5 hours labour minimum to get it fixed and more than $600. I had to postpone my return to work once more.
Sh*t Happens
The way I see it, bad luck just happens sometimes. There's no rhyme or reason for it, it just is what it is. But I do have some choices in how I let it influence me.
As luck would have it, my husband's stomach flu only lasted 24 hours. It certainly could've been a lot worse! My son wasn't getting sick, he was just plain tired. A really good sleep helped a lot. And he wasn't sad he had to miss school! He was thrilled to get to have some time with his brother and the dentist's administrator spoiled him rotten!
My step-son handled the casting and the tooth repair really well, despite it seeming to me like it would be quite painful. He joked with the medical staff and made the best of it. I was really proud of him.
My car broke down on the highway but very close to town. It took only 10 minutes to walk to a gas station. I was pretty fortunate! The repair shop that I took my car to had had two cancelations that morning so they got to work on it right away. Another stroke of luck! In the end they didn't have to order the whole timing belt kit so I saved some money. And the tow truck service man was so nice he drove me home from the repair shop. It was great to meet such a nice person!
What's the Lesson?
Did I want all this stuff to happen? No. But it did. Stuff like that can happen from time-to-time. I could wallow and ask why me? I could bitterly complain that that was a horrible end to a great holiday.
I don't see it that way. I think it was a good thing that I was feeling so relaxed when this stuff started to happen because I could take it all in stride. I was able to see each thing for what it was--a bit annoying perhaps--but not a big deal.
I can judge things that happen in my life as awful and be devastated by them, or I can acknowledge them and find a more helpful way to move past them. I choose the latter.
How about you? What do you do when bad luck happens?
Posted on Sun, Aug 22, 2010
“Procrastination is the art of keeping up to yesterday.” ~Don Marquis
Beating procrastination, creating new habits, or changing the way you do things is hard. It’s often said it takes 3 weeks of persistently doing something for it to become a habit.
How do you create change that’s going to last? For many, it’s not so easy as just following Nike’s famous slogan: Just Do It. If it were that easy, we’d all be doing the things we know are good for us--right?
“If you want to make an easy job seem mighty hard, just keep putting off doing it.” ~Olin Miller
In early July this year, my hard drive on my computer crashed. I was really ticked because my computer was only one and a half years old. So, I made the decision to get a Mac hoping it would last longer.
Unfortunately, my learning curve wasn’t as simple as I had imagined and only last week did I start to feel like I had everything needed to get my job done. Things like my blog got left undone for far too long. Was procrastination rearing its ugly head?
I have to admit that during this time, writing my weekly blog kept getting bumped down my to do list. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy writing it because I do, but my best laid plans just never seemed to come to fruition. The saying, “Procrastination is something best put off until tomorrow” (Gerald Vaughan) became an irritating motto.
So what helped me move past it and move on? How did I stop procrastination from growing horns and becoming an evil monster? Well I can tell you absolutely that beating myself up about it didn’t work. Nor did fear tactics—“if you don’t do this you’re going to wreck all the hard work you’ve done” and other such nonsense. What worked was...inspiration. What better to write about than the thing that had been growing over the last few weeks and by doing so, would begin its demise?
I got excited about writing about procrastination and how to create change. I found that the more I thought about it, the more the inspiration came. I just started doing it. Maybe there really is something to that Nike slogan...
How to create change:
Sorry but there's no one way to create change. And what may work for you may not work for someone else. There are some ideas, however, that I’ve written about on change and goals in the past. See:
For some, getting some life skills coaching can help. For others, getting really sick and tired of something is helpful. You may find it helps to create a plan, set your mind to it, or find some inspiration. Knowing you as you do, what helps you get out of the starting gate?
Here's a suggestion: Over the next week or two, do something different—no matter how crazy or off the wall it seems. Have fun!! Let me know what you come up with!!
About the author, Renee Meggs:
I'm a Registered Psychologist who works with adults and children to help them do what works, both in counselling and coaching. If you’d like to book an appointment or inquire about my services, please e-mail me at reneemeggs@focusedsolutionscounselling.com and/or go to my website at http://reneemeggs.com. I can meet with you in person, on the phone (403-762-3040), or on-line.
Posted on Mon, Mar 01, 2010
The 2010 Winter Olympics have ended. I have to say I have never been so touched, proud, amazed, awed, excited, and patriotic. The athletes exemplify everything that can remind us of trying our best, of perservering when the odds are against you, of giving it all you have to make a difference–in your life–and in the life of others. What did they show us?
Brian Keever is a cross-country skier who is visually impaired and was, for the first time, crossing the previously insurmountable barrier between the Olympics and Para- Olympics. The day before his 50 km race, the Canadian coaches decided to cut him from the team. I suppose you could argue that the coaches re-instated the barrier with that decision. But having been chosen for the Canadian team in the first place has shown us that it’s possible to perservere and be as good as, or better than others even when the odds are against you. Brian has raised awareness of differently-abled people and of what is possible when you work for it hard enough.
Another cross-country skier absolutely awed and amazed me with her grit and determination. Slovanian Petra Majdic won a bronze medal skiing with 5 broken ribs and a punctured lung. She said it best: “It was really worth it to show the people of the world never give up on your dreams and at least try to make your best.”
Sometimes trying your best might not get you the results you want. Chris del Bosco, a Canadian ski-cross racer, beat addiction and wanted one last chance to show the world what he was capable of. He was close to winning a bronze, pushed for silver–and fell. Did he make a mistake? Did he get greedy, or did he simply try his damned best?
What about Joannie Rochette, the Canadian figure skater whose mother died of a heart attack during the Olympics and prior to her competition? Many of us might have been too grief stricken to continue but she chose to compete in honour of her mom and won a bronze.
So what did they show us? For me, they showed perserverance. Perservere despite challenges, barriers, and seeminly insurmountable obstacles. They showed me that although I may not be successful every time, I know through perserverance, effort, and giving it my very best, I will be building my confidence. And as I put in my best effort, I’m reminded of the Olympic motto, “higher, stronger, faster” and paraphrase it for my life into stronger, wiser, confident. How about you?
About the author:
Renée Meggs is a Registered Psychologist who works with adults and children to help them do what works, both in counselling and coaching. If you’d like to book an appointment or inquire about my services, please e-mail me at reneemeggs@focusedsolutionscounselling.com and/or go to my website at http://reneemeggs.com. I can meet with you in person, on the phone, or on-line.
Posted on Mon, Feb 22, 2010
Ideas about Change:
The psychology and coaching fields have lots of ideas about change–what facilitates change, what maintains change, and whether change is even possible.
Systems theorists talked about trying to get to a ’state of homeostasis’, where the system—i.e. your life within your context–was balanced. Change was considered bad within this context and ‘maintaining’ healthy ‘patterns’ was the goal.
Another idea about change was Prochasta’s and DiClemente’s 6 stages of change. Simply put, in the first stage, you don’t know there’s a problem so there’s no reason to change; in the second, you know there’s a problem, but don’t really know if you want to do anything about it; in the third, you’re tentatively making some plans to make some changes; during the 4th, you take action for at least 3-6 months; in the 5th, you maintain the changes for anywhere from 6 months to 5 years, and the last stage occurs when your new healthy habits are entrenched.
Focused solution therapists like myself, believe change is constantly happening. Change can happen really quickly and the solution may have nothing to do with the problem. Solution focused therapists help you focus on what you want and what you can do to get there. We think about change as little steps you can take to help things go the way you want them to go. The focus becomes about goals, on what you specifically want, and progress or change is talked about throughout the process. What may be helpful is making refinements in the steps along the way.
My recent experience with change/goal setting:
You may remember me talking about my challenge creating new habits with food. All during the fall I knew there was something wrong and was trying to bring myself back to health by getting lots of sleep, taking my vitamins, and eating well. What I didn’t know was that a lot of the food I was eating was making me sick. Eventually, I keyed into food’s role and went to get some allergy testing. For a time, I experimented with moderation. It was Christmas afterall! Once I got serious about these changes, I found myself eating the forbidden foods once in awhile whilst thinking, it’s not fair, and trying once again to stick to my plan. Eventually, I did some reading on food intolerances and really got a good handle on what was happening to my body when I had that cream in my coffee or a bite of freshly baked bread. What I read made sense to me and I was able to accept and embrace idea of a changed diet. The forbidden foods I had been eating no longer seemed appealing because I knew what the outcome would be. I’ve begun to really enjoy the meals I’m making and love how good I’m feeling.
Would I say these were stages? No. I know the process might look very different for someone else. Once my new diet made sense to me, it was meaningful and I believed in it, I no longer felt deprived. I feel lucky to know what to do to live feeling really good. I also know that what makes a difference to me may be very different for someone else. I know how long it takes for someone to make a change become a habit and how s/he makes it become so may be vary widely.
What’s been your experience with change?
When you wanted something to change, what did you want to have happen instead? What did you want your life to be like? What did you do that helped? What helped make this change a habit? Did you have to tweak your goals or the steps that you took to reach your goals? How has this experience benefitted what you do today?
I welcome your comments!
About the author:
Renée Meggs is a Registered Psychologist who works with adults and children to help them do what works, both in counselling and coaching. If you’d like to book an appointment or inquire about my services, please e-mail me at reneemeggs@focusedsolutionscounselling.com and/or go to my website at http://reneemeggs.com. I can meet with you in person, on the phone, or on-line.
Posted on Fri, Jan 29, 2010
Change always comes bearing gifts. ~Price Pritchett
Over the last few weeks, I’ve been writing about goals. See Creating a New Year’s Resolution Jackpot!, Resolutions or to do lists, and Passionate Goals. I’ve talked about developing a rich vision, thinking about specific steps you can take, measuring where you’re at with those goals, and deciding whether you’re really passionate about them or not.
But what about those goals that you know will be good for you, that have obvious health and wellness benefits, but are going to be hard to figure out how to start, when to start, or how to maintain on an ongoing basis? You know, goals like:
- Quitting smoking
- Losing weight
- Leaving an abusive relationship
- Exercising regularly
- Speaking up for yourself
- Relaxing
- Eating well
- Letting go of worry
- Getting or staying organized
- Communicating clearly and constructively
- Feeling better about yourself
What do you do then?
I’ve recently gotten a fresh reminder of how challenging change can be. I’ve developed a number of food intolerances that have made me feel really sick. Once I discovered that certain foods were the problem, I started to cut them out of my diet—at least I’ve been trying. The problem has been that I love food. In fact, I once had someone tell me I should write a book entitled, Foods I’ve Known and Loved. Good food is a BIG part of my life. I get excited about foods I’m going to eat and coo when I get to eat them.
Now I’ve got a list of about 30 things I can’t eat. 3-0! They’re primarily healthy, delicious food—things like some red grapes, asparagus, nuts, and eggs. It’s not a matter of moderation—it’s a matter of not going anywhere near them—no way no how.
I’ve gotten a good reminder of how difficult change can be, how some goals may be really good for us but involve sacrifice, discipline, and the willingness to give up things you’ve previously really enjoyed—at least in some ways. It’s been a really good reminder of how difficult it can be to create new habits that become just that—habits.
What helps? Creating a rich vision of what you want can be really helpful. Thinking about small steps you will take to get there, and measuring your progress help. For me, discipline has also been key, and something I’ve had to re-visit several times. Talking myself through cravings, reminding myself of how sick I’ve felt, reminding myself how good I feel when I stick to my diet plan and what other things it’s enabled me to do, reminding myself those foods are no longer an option, planning for success (i.e. eating at home or select restaurants), and reminding myself to keep trying even when I slip have all helped.
What helps for you? What helps you discipline yourself to really commit to your goals? What can you do to stand up to pressure from within or from others to stick to your plan? What is going to help you deal with setbacks?
I’d be interested in hearing your comments!!
Grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it’s me. ~Author Unknown
About the author: Renee Meggs is a Registered Psychologist who works with adults and children to help them do what works, both in counselling and coaching. If you’d like to enquire about my services, please e-mail me at reneemeggs@focusedsolutionscounselling.com and/or go to my website at http://reneemeggs.com
Posted on Mon, Jan 04, 2010
On New Year’s Eve, we went out for dinner with some friends. We started talking about New Year’s resolutions and they quickly told us they didn’t make resolutions—they made “to do lists.” To do lists, we were told, are based on things they want to accomplish over the next year and are action oriented. So how do you make a “to do list” actionable?
Get specific: Think of something you want to accomplish this year. What is it? Suppose as an example, you decided you wanted to get healthier. What would be signs that you were healthy? What would you be doing that would let you know you were living well? Will you be exercising 4-5 days a week? If so, what kind of exercise will you be doing? Will you be eating better? If so, what kinds of food would you eat at each meal that would tell you that you were taking good care of yourself? Would you drink less alcohol—or no alcohol? If you drank less alcohol, how much less would you drink each week or month? What would you be doing instead of drinking?
People in your life: Let’s stay with the living healthier example. Who in your life would notice you were living healthy? What would s/he or they notice you doing that would tell him/her/them that you were healthier? What else would they notice?
The benefits: Imagine you started living a healthy life. What would the benefits be? What difference would it make in your life? What difference would it make in your personal life? How about in your relationships? What would be some of the benefits in your work or in your professional development?
How serious are you? On a scale of 0-10, if 10 was you were totally committed to becoming healthy this year and 0 was the opposite, how committed are you? What puts you there? What something you could see yourself doing over the next week that would move you up a notch on the scale?
Where are you now? On a scale of 0-10, if 10 is you’re already living a healthy life, you’re exercising 5 days a week, you’re eating 5 servings of fruit and vegetables a day, eating 2-3 servings of protein a day, and eating a variety of food, and 0 is the opposite, where do you think you are now? What are you doing that puts you there? Again, what can you see yourself doing over the next week that would move you up a notch?
Creating goals that you actually do means getting specific. Think of what you’ll be doing when you can cross off that item on your list that will tell you it’s a done deal. Think of people that know you and what they’ll notice you doing. Think about the benefits of doing this thing or things and what difference it will make in your life. Is it something that’s really important to you that come hell or high water you’re going to do, or is it one of those things that would be nice to do but really won’t make any difference? And finally, thinking about where you’re at and a small step you can take will help get you going. Have fun!!!
I’d love to hear from you!! Are resolutions or “to do lists” effective for you? If so, what makes them work? If not, what works better?
Posted on Tue, Dec 29, 2009
Inspiration exists, but it must find us working. ~Pablo Picasso
It’s the time of year when people start thinking about New Year’s resolutions. All of us make them with the best intentions in mind. But how do you make them last? What makes them meaningful enough to follow through on?
The first step: What is your New Year’s resolution? Suppose you wake up on New Year’s Day and your resolution has come true. What would be the first thing you noticed that would tell you something was different? What would be happening as you went through your day? What would you be seeing? What would you be hearing? What would you be feeling? What difference would it make in your life? What would be the benefits of having this resolution a reality?
People in your life: Who else would notice your resolution was a reality? What would s/he or they say they notice you doing? Would your resolution make any difference to her/him/them? If so, what difference would it make?
Capturing your Resolution: Part of making a resolution last is developing a rich picture of it. You have to be able to really imagine yourself doing something, to see it, hear it, and feel it with every cell of your body. Some people find creating that rich image is all they need. Other creative types enjoy creating an image, a symbol, or a representation of their goal through artistic endeavours. Would it be helpful to create a collage, a painting, a drawing, a photo, a sculpture, or to have a mantra or a saying that reminds you of your resolution and motivates you to act?
Exceptions: Once you have a very clear image of what you want life to be like when you’re living your resolution, ask yourself, are there any times now or in the past when you’ve reached bits of that resolution—even in the tiniest of ways? What did you do that was helpful? How did you get that to happen? What can you use from that experience or experiences that would be useful now?
A past or present relationship: What would someone in your life—past or present—say that s/he knows about you that would tell him/her that you can do this? Who would be the least surprised that you’re living your resolution?
Where are you at? On a scale of 0-10, if 10 is you’re living your resolution and 0 is the opposite, where would you say you are now? What are you doing that puts you there? Where would that person in the paragraph above put you? What would s/he say s/he’s noticed that you’re doing that puts you there?
One small step: What is one small thing you can do that would put you up a notch on the scale the week after New Years? Once you’ve decided, ask yourself, is that a small step or a big step? If it’s big, ask yourself to think small. Change can happen quickly and usually happens with small, realistic steps.
The next step: Once you’ve made that small step, consider what helped you follow through. What’s one other thing you can do that will move you up the scale a notch? Again, think of a small, baby step you can take. Once you made that step, what’s something else you can do? Remember that success builds on success. Keep going, step-by-step. You’ll get there sooner than you think!! Happy New Year!
If you have any comments, questions, or would like someone to help keep you accountable as you work on your New Year’s resolution(s), please let me know!! I look forward to hearing from you!!
Posted on Sun, Nov 22, 2009
1. The dream: Suppose when you go to sleep tonight, you have a dream. Not just any old, run of the mill dream or some totally weird nonsense that leaves you shaking your head in disbelief. This dream seems really real—vivid and rich. It’s a dream of life—of your life—going exactly the way you want it to. In fact, it’s so clear it’s like you’re seeing it on a movie screen with sound surround. Better yet, you’re seeing it on an Imax screen and it’s so real you can see all the colours vividly, the textures, the space. Spend a moment looking around.
What do you see?
Imagine now all of your senses have come alive. You hear everything, can smell the richness of your life well lived, can touch everything around you. You’re with the people you care about most and they’re cheering you on, telling you how proud they are of all that you’ve accomplished. Soak it all in…
2. Suppose you wake up tomorrow and discover that the dream has really happened. What would you notice was different in your life? What would you be doing? Think about what you do with your day—from the time you wake up—until you go to bed. What’s everything that’s happening that’s going exactly the way you want it to? Be as detailed as you can.
3. What would the people that know you notice was different? What would they see you doing? How would they know that you were living life exactly the way you want to? How would they know you were living your dream? Be as detailed as you can.
4. How important is this dream or goal? On a scale of 0-10, if 10 is, this dream is so important you’re consumed by it, and 0 is the opposite, how important is it to you that you make this dream a reality? Be honest. Is this goal really something that has to happen, or would it just be nice?
5. Where are you now? On a scale of 0-10, if 0 is the dream has happened, you’re living life exactly the way you want to, and 0 is the opposite, where are you now? What are you doing that puts you there?
6. What’s one small step you could take? What’s something you could see happening over the next week or two that would be a sign that you were moving towards your dream? What is something you could see yourself reasonably doing that would put you up a notch? Think small.
Living life the way you want to can happen. Dream big and take a step! See what happens! Creating goals can be that simple!