Posted on Sun, Feb 05, 2012
What an amazing life!
Winter mountain guides have an amazing job. You take people skiing on amazing, often untracked terrain, lead adrenalin junkies up ice falls, and get to spend all day outside. Oh the life!
The guests
People who hire a mountain guide often have the experience of their lives. Being in the most incredibly beautiful scenery, feeling the sun on their faces, seeing the wind blow gusts of soft, billowy powder off the tops of cornices, turning on a dime through trees, jumping off small cliffs--how could life be any better?
The reality of experience
Most of the time it's like this-absolute bliss. But for a guide that's been in the business for awhile, there's another, not so pleasant side. It's the impact of avalanches. Unfortunately, if you've been working for a few years, you're going to experience them, despite your best efforts.
There's the near misses or partial burials. There's the full burials that get rescued quickly, those that don't, and the multiple burials that take thinking on your feet to a new level. There's the avalanches you get called into help with, the ones that happen with a friend, with a guest you've gotten to know, or ones you get caught in yourself.
Soldier on
Traditionally, mountain guides would go through an avalanche and act as if everything were fine. Even if counselling support was offered, they'd say no. They'd soldier on and keep the stress to themselves.
Stress, what stress?
Let's admit it, avalanches have an impact. And not everyone is impacted in the same way. Some possibilities might be:
- difficulty sleeping
- feeling jumpy
- questioning your judgment
- feeling irritable
- feeling burnt out
- worrying or stressing a lot
- not enjoying yourself anymore
- drinking more
- taking too many risks
- being too careful
- losing your appetite
- losing motivation
- a big drop in energy
- wanting to be alone
- going over the event in your mind again and again
- getting into arguments over little things
What can you do?
It's going to sound obvious, but taking care of yourself physically is really important. Make sure you're getting enough to eat of good food, drink lots of water, get enough sleep, and cut down on that alcohol.
Spend time with the important people in your life. If you're away at work and can call or skype a partner or a close friend, do so. Talk about what's going on. Get their support.
Talk with your team. You can bet other people are going through some similar things. It can make a difference to know you're not alone.
Talking with a professional
Talking with a therapist can also be helpful--especially if you're feeling like you don't want to burden others. Talking with a psychologist can be helpful in making sense of what you're experiencing, and figuring out ways to take care of yourself as you try to move forward.
What about you? What's helped you to move forward? I'd love to hear your comments!
Posted on Fri, Jan 27, 2012
You can't teach an old dog new tricks
We've all certainly heard the excuse, "You can't teach an old dog new tricks." How often do we let ourselves off the hook from starting something or sticking to it when it comes to goals we create for ourselves?
If you've read any of my previous blogs, you may know that I love to share stories. I'm going to share some more about people who did things later in life-when many would've said it's too late.
People who have done what they wanted
Did you know that Julia Childs was nearly 50 by the time she published her first cookbook, Mastering the Art of French Cooking? She discovered how much she loved French food in her mid-thirties, attended a cooking school, joined a cooking club for the love of cooking, and only later decided to share her honed skills to Americans?
Benjamin Franklin came up with bifocal lenses at the ripe age of 78, Agatha Christie wrote The Mousetrap, at age 62, and Vladmir Horowitz performed piano recitals until the age of 84. Ken Robinson, in his book, The Element, gives loads of examples of people who became famous later in life, not because they had given into self-imposed ageism, but because they followed their goals and passions despite their age.
Robinson tells the story of Susan Jeffers, a psychologist who published the book, Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway in her 40's. After getting her PhD in psychology and getting a divorce, Jeffers began attending a myriad of workshops to become more empowered and self-aware. Eventually, she taught a workshop about feeling fear and doing it anyways which she created week-by-week, despite feeling terrified! When she decided to publish her workshop as a book, she was rejected by many publishers, one of whom rejected her in a horrible way: "Lady Di could be bicycling nude down the street giving this book away, and no one would read it!" After leaving her manuscript for a few years, she tried again and managed to publish a best seller.
Eddie Hunter is a local legend in Banff. In his 86th year, Eddie has skied for over 75 years. As recently as two years ago, I saw him teaching skiing at Norquay. I see him working at his daughter's store next door to my office and realize we're only as old as we feel.
Goals and age
What does this have to do with goals? Everything! Are you going to let excuses stand in your way of reaching your goals? Are you going to give into the idea that you're too old to live your dream? Are you going to buy into the idea that someone your age should behave a certain way?
Dr. Suess?
To quote Dr. Seuss in Oh, The Places You'll Go!:
Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!
You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.
...And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3 / 4 percent guaranteed.)
KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
Be a kid all your life and do what you want to do. I'd love to hear what you decide!
Posted on Thu, Jan 19, 2012
I know I've been talking a lot about goals this month. But t'is the season when we're often setting goals for ourselves! And we need to do so thoughtfully. I've been writing a lot about goals: visualizing goals, creating S.M.A.R.T. goals, adversity, perservering with your goals even when the going gets tough, resiliency, and creating meaningful goals. I've even written a bit about passion as a part of goals. Afterall, what's really going to drive you to succeed with your goals if you're not passionate about them?
Years ago I remember reading something that really stood out for me:
Passion + Vision + Action = Success
It stood out because it's so obvious and yet the passion part of the equation sometimes gets left out.
Desire is certainly an important part of reaching your goals as well. In order for goals to reach fruition, you have to really want them to be successful. There has to be some reason you're trying to attain them in the first place.
It's funny though. Sometimes we create goals because we think they're good for us, or because we or someone else has told us we should want them. Not surprisingly, those goals are often the first ones that fizzle--despite our best intentions.
I know what you're saying. What about those goals that are good for you? The ones we have to strive to reach because they're a quality of life thing. You know what I mean: quitting smoking, losing weight, eating more healthy foods, or making exercise a regular part of your life. I'll talk more about these ones later...honestly!
What I'm curious about though is--what are you really passionate about? How do you use passion in reaching your goals? Do you really desire your goals? How can you harness your passion and desire to succeed?
S/he said it
Think about what these people have to say about passion and desire. Any of them really stand out for you?
"Passion is the genesis of genius." ~Tony Robbins
"Passion is energy." ~Oprah Winfrey
"Nothing great in the world has ever been achieved without passion."~Georg Wilhem Friedrich Hegel
"Without passion you don't have energy. Without energy you have nothing." ~Donald Trump
"If you desire many things, many things will seem few." ~Benjamin Franklin
"The will to win, the desire to succeed, the urge to reach your full potential... these are the keys that will unlock the door to personal excellence." ~Confucius
"Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire which transcends everything." ~Napolean Hill
What about your goals?
Perhaps it's time to re-consider your goals. Are you really passionate about them? Do you really, really, really want them to be successful? Do you have the passion and desire to see them germinate and grow?
And what about those goals that are good for you, even if you're not really passionate about them? Suppose you spent some time brainstorming reasons that could invite you to be passionate or more desirous of them, what difference do you think it would make in your efforts to reach them?
Let's say you want to lose some weight. Would it be helpful to imagine yourself in more flattering clothes, to imagine yourself able to do more, to imagine your self-confidence growing, or to imagine how much easier it might be to get around?
What about the goal of exercising more? What do you imagine the benefits of that might be? Are there any benefits that get you excited to make this goal a reality?
Sometimes we have to dig deep to find that fertile ground. But that's the ground we need to get to to help our goals blossom and grow.
What do you think?
Posted on Tue, Jan 17, 2012
Want to get in the right head space to reach your goals? Being relaxed before you think about your goals puts you there. Ever heard of progressive relaxation?
Progressive Relaxation
Find a comfortable place to sit or lie down. Take a few deep breaths to slow down. Start with your toes on one foot. Breathe relaxation into them. Breathe in relaxation and out tension. When they feel relaxed, move up your foot to the ball of your foot on the bottom and the area on the top. Breathe in relaxation and out tension. Move to the arch of your foot as well as the top of your foot. Again, breathe in relaxation and out tension. Move to your heel and ankle area. Breathe in tension and out relaxation.
When your foot is relaxed, move up to your calf and feel the tension leave your calf as you breathe in and out. Move to your shin and do the same thing. Move up to your knee. If it helps, imagine slowly stroking your knee to fully relax it. Move up to your thigh and feel how relaxed it feels as the tension fully leaves it. Now focus on your quad. Breathe in relaxation and out tension. Breathe in relaxation and out tension in your bum cheek.
Repeat this with the other foot, leg, and bum cheek.
Focus on your back. Consciously breathe out any tension it's holding. Stay here for a moment to ensure your back is nice and relaxed. Move up to your shoulders and do the same thing. Move down one arm. Breathe in relaxation to your bicep and tricep, and eventually to your forearm. Breathe in relaxation through the palm and top of your hand and move on to your fingers. Feel the tension leaving as you continue to breathe.
Repeat this with the other arm and hand.
Now focus on your pelvic area. Breathe in relaxation and out tension. Move up to your belly. Feel how relaxed you feel as you breathe in. Caress your belly with your imagination. Move up to your chest. Again caress your chest with your imagination as you breathe in relaxation and out tension.
Move up to your neck. Feel your breath slowly go in and out of your neck. Move to your face. Caress your lips, cheeks, nose, and forehead with your thoughts. Feel your mouth drop open as the tension leaves. Move up to your scalp and do the same thing.
Sit for a moment and enjoy. Do a scan of your body and breathe out any tension that may still be lingering.
Visualization
Now that you're feeling really relaxed, you can visualize a juicy, awesome and vivid goal. Here's an opportunity to use your imagination to its fullest--almost as if you're viewing your life at an Imax movie theatre!
Suppose life was going exactly the way you wanted it to--you had reached your goals--what would be happening? What would you be doing? Imagine you see it up on your Imax screen. What would you see? What would you hear? What would you be feeling inside? Who else would notice your life was different? What would they say?
Take the time to imagine as many details as you can.
A past blog invites you to do this and to think about where you're at now in reaching your goal. Go to Six Easy Steps to Living Your Dream.
Like this on Facebook, or share it with someone you know!
Posted on Fri, Jan 13, 2012
Nobody welcomes adversity into their lives. Sooner or later though, we all face it. What helps someone carry on despite adversity?
Warren Macdonald
Several years ago I listened to Warren Macdonald speak at the Mountain Book Festival in Banff about an event that forever changed his life. In April 1997 he went on a backpacking trip in Australia and became trapped under an enormous boulder for two agonizing days. Water almost drowned him, ants crawled over him, and he hoped beyond all hope that the guy he had met only the day before would be able to get help for him in time.
It took 3 hours for the rescuers to get the boulder off Warren. Once he was flown to the hospital he learned he would have to have his legs amputated above the knee. His life was irrevocably changed.
Amazingly, he found "opportunity in adversity." Within 10 months he resumed hiking and climbing. Eventually he hiked to the top of Kiliminjaro, began ice-climbing, and even climbed El Capitan. Despite incredible obstacles, he lives life on his terms. He not only survived his ordeal, he now works as a motivational speaker for corporate groups.
Erik Weihenmayer
I also heard Erik speak at the Mountain Book Festival. He is a blind man who lost his vision at age 13. Like Warren, he persevered and turned adversity into a challenging adventure. He became the only blind man to ever climb to the summit of Mount Everest. Besides being a good climber, he paraglides and skies, and for a time was an elementary school teacher.
Erik has some important things to say about adversity:
"Adversity is personal, relative, and universal."
Each of us is faced with adversity and it doesn't matter how big or small it seems to the outside world. What matters is how we choose not only to face it, but what we choose to do with it.
"Adversity is the most potent force in life. It shapes your character, clarifies your priorities, and defines your path. It can also fuel your greatness."
Fueling Your Greatness
That's a really potent idea: adversity can fuel your greatness. How can you play a poor hand well? What do you do to move past adversity, or to carry on despite it? Will you let it define everything about you or do you want to choose how you're defined?
Can you set goals when adversity rears it's ugly head? Can you decide how it's going to shape your character? Do you think Warren and Erik decided to be identified solely by their disabilities or did they carve out their lives despite them? How might you use their examples as inspiration to deal with adversities that come your way?
I'm not suggesting it's easy. We all know it's not. I also know though that adversity can challenge us to be and do more. It can challenge us to create life the way we want to create it, even when, or especially when, others are telling us it can't be done!
As Helen Keller once said:
"Life is either a daring adventure or it is nothing."
What do you choose your life to be? What can you do to find the opportunities in adversity? I'd love to hear your comments!!
Posted on Wed, Jan 11, 2012
"We are all born with extraordinary powers of imagination, intelligence, feeling, intuition, spirituality, and of physical and sensory awareness. For the most part, we use only a fraction of these powers, and some not at all. Many people have not found their Element because they don't understand their own powers...Many people have not found their Element because they don't understand their constant potential for renewal." (Ken Robinson)
Believing in Yourself
A few months ago I wrote about believing in yourself. I gave some examples of people who through perseverance changed their lives. I'm not suggesting that that's an easy thing to do. But like Robinson said, we have the "constant potential for renewal." We can re-create ourselves, strive for our goals, and achieve them through persevering. One of the first steps is to try.
Memoir examples
There are two other author's memoirs I've read that stand out because of their ability to see the humour in some pretty dire and depressing circumstances. They were able to persevere despite the enormous obstacles they had to live with growing up. Both had a parent with mental health issues that made life turmultuous at the best of times.
Augusten Burroughs
Augusten Burroughs wrote 3 memoirs: Running with Scissors, Dry, and A Wolf at the Table. In Running with Scissors, he described his life as a tween and adolescent. At 12 he stopped going to school and was informally adopted by his mother's psychiatrist and his family who were just as, or more dysfunctional than his mother. He wrote with humour about all the craziness that was going on around him and that he participated in--and somehow managed to survive. His book was later made into a movie that Brad Pitt produced.
Mary Karr
Mary Karr also wrote 3 memoirs: The Liar's Club, Cherry, and Lit. In the first, she detailed her horrendous childhood. She wrote of her sexual abuse, her memories of her dad's drunken rampages, her mother's decision to burn all the family's furniture on the front lawn, and other horrifying memories.
Like Burroughs, somehow she persevered and now lives as a professor of English literature at Syracruse University.
I have to wonder what helped these 2 people persevere. Was it their ability to see humour in their painful circumstances? Was it their ability to lose themselves in their writing? Was it their ability to play a poor hand well--i.e. their resilience?
I'd recommend both these books for inspiration on perseverance and resilience.
Perseverance
Only you know for sure what's going to help you persevere--to keep on trying even when it seems hopeless. Goals are often only met through hard, hard work, through commitment to keep going, and of course with a plan.
What helps you to stick with things? How do you use the power of will, perseverance, focus, and drive to help you get what you want? What helps you to play a poor hand well? I'd love to hear your comments!
Posted on Mon, Jan 09, 2012
It's been a little over a week since January 1st--the day lots of us make New Year's Resolutions.
The first little while lots of us are motivated to make our resolutions happen. It's a new year! This time we're going to drop those pounds, spend more time with family and friends, and enjoy life more. But why is it that after 6 months, more than half of us will have dropped those goal plans by the wayside blaming a lack of time, a lack of resources, or that our resolutions weren't really that important afterall?
Should we even make New Year's Resolutions?
At the beginning of the year we have an opportunity to start afresh, to think about what's important to us in our lives and what we want to achieve. It's like re-setting the clock. I found one stat that said people who actually make New Year's resolutions are 10 times more likely to reach their goals. (Of course one could ask, if you didn't make a goal, how would you actually fail to reach it--but let's not go there! ;)
It's that self-control muscle, I knew it!
The Toronto Star posted an article last week stating most New Year's Resolutions aren't met because we lack the self-control muscle to make them last. I looked up in an anatomy text where that muscle is and couldn't find it! Damn! Must be a secret muscle I don't know about!
So what does help New Year's Resolutions stick?
Recently I wrote a blog about New Year's Resolutions that last. In it, I talk about creating smart goals-the ones that are specific, measurable, action-oriented, realistic, and time-lined. Having a simple and realistic goal is probably more achievable than a lofty, strident, nail you to the ground kind of resolution. I'm just sayin'!
A partner in Crime
You know yourself the best. What's going to help you stick with your goals? Would it be helpful to recruit a partner in crime? Suppose you and someone you know decided to make exercise a part of your regular life. After you've gone through the S.M.A.R.T. steps, what could you both do to help keep each other accountable? What could you do to support one another? What kind of specific support would you like from her or him that would make it much more likely that you'd achieve your fitness goals?
If and then
Would it be helpful to add a touch of forgiveness into your plan? Suppose you slip up once in awhile or even get off track for some time. Does that mean you should throw the whole goal plan out? NO! Knowing yourself the way you do, what would help, even if the smallest of ways, to get you back on track? Would it be helpful to create a contingency plan? If I get off track, then I will do x, y, and z to get back with the program. Voila! Success, here you come!
I will remember..honestly!
What's going to help you be mindful of your resolutions--to keep them at the forefront of your daily life so that the chances of them occurring are that much greater?
Would a picture of your goal help? Something that's hung in a central place?
How about using bright sticky notes in conspicuous places?
Would your task manager on your computer be recruited to help the cause?
What other ideas do you have that could make those "big, hairy, audacious goals" an on-going reality?
To keep or not to keep your New Year's Resolutions is ultimately up to you. What's helping you stick to them? I'd love to hear your comments!
Posted on Mon, Jan 02, 2012
This is often the time of year when people take some time off work to relax, visit friends and family, and hopefully have some fun.
I know though that this time of year isn't fun for everyone. For some, it's a matter of surviving the holidays.
Suppose you decided to make fun a priority,
what would you do?
I was re-reading The Happiness Project the other day. Rubin decided to become serious about fun and took a methodical approach to creating it. I have to admit finding it odd that fun has to be categorized. She talked about 3 kinds of fun: challenging fun, accomodating fun, and relaxing fun. Challenging fun is tiring, demanding, and can be frustrating while accomodating fun is having fun for someone else's sake--like your child's. Relaxing fun she described as easy.
Really? Why do we need to categorize fun? Is that fun? Have we lost the ability to know fun when we see it or feel it? Is forcing yourself to do boring things fun? Am I missing the point?
Making Time for Fun
I do think life is hectic for lots of us. The issue really is making time for fun as a regular part of your life--not just something that happens only very occasionally. What's fun for you and what's fun for me may be different and that's okay. You just need to try to have it in your life. As the saying goes, all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy!
Fun is a great antidote to stress. If you stop to think about it, it's essential to your well-being!! It gives you the energy and the drive to be able to go back to work refreshed and focused, it helps you handle the inevitable ups and downs in life, and well, it just feels damn good!! See my blog: Are you Having Fun Yet? Getting Rid of Stress.
Planning Fun
What do you do to make life fun? What do you do to make time for fun? Do you plan it, or does it spontaneously happen? Suppose you were to include in your goal plan for the year to have more fun. How would you make it happen? How would you ensure it is a priority in your life, regardless of what else is happening?
Suppose you brainstormed a list of all the fun things you've done in the past, and added onto it all the fun things you'd like to do, what difference do you think that might make to your motivation to have it? What if, for fun, you closed your eye, spun your index finger in a circle and plunked it somewhere on your list, and then did the thing you finger was on? How fun would that be?
Would your fun be solo fun or group fun? Rubin was right about getting serious about fun. It's time people!!
Quotes about fun
Which of the quotes fits for you?
"Most of the time I don't have much fun. The rest of the time I don't have any fun at all." ~Woody Allen
"Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one." ~Dr. Seuss
"We are driven for five genetic needs: survival, love and belonging, power, freedom, and fun." ~William Glasser
"If a man insisted on always being serious and never allowed himself a bit of fun or relaxation, he would go mad or become unstable without knowing it." ~Herodotus
"We don't stop playing because we turn old, but turn old because we stop playing." ~Unknown
"People rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they're doing." ~Dale Carnegie
"If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun." ~Katherine Hepburn
Posted on Wed, Dec 28, 2011
Maybe it's just me. As I'm thinking about my New Year's resolutions, I'm thinking differently this year. I want to make them more interesting, more intentional, and diverse. I've decided to do something akin to Gretchen Rubin's Happiness Project or LifeBook's goal setting. I'm going to plan things month-by-month.
I'm going to brainstorm areas I'd like to work on. We all have some things we'd like to do differently right? I think in January, I'm going to focus on health. You've may have seen my blog about sticking with goals that are good for you. I'm human. I don't stick 100% of the time with those goals, but I'm feeling ready to get back on track. I need to re-visit health as my body is not feeling great after all the Christmas time food and drink I don't normally have.
I'm thinking about my diet, home cooking, and fitness. On the one hand, I could really get a handle on them by developing smart goals:
SMART goals
You may have heard of smart goals. Smart goals are:
- Specific
- Measurable
- Action oriented
- Realistic
- Time-lined
Suppose I decide, "I want to home-cook all my meals in January." It's specific. It's easily measurable--either I do or I don't--it's action oriented, it's potentially realistic as long as I plan well, and it has a time-line--January. For lots of people, setting goals like this helps us develop a really good plan. I'm going to do it!
Creative goals
I'm also thinking about inspiration and vision. I have a pretty good idea that February is going to be about having fun and playing. I'm going to create a collage of what I want fun and play to look like and put it somewhere I'll see it every day. I want to be inspired! That's going to get my fun juices flowing!
"Enthusiasm is excitment with inspiration, motivation, and a pinch of creativity."
~Bo Bennett
I also really get a lot of motivation from quotes. They help give me a jumpstart or help solidify my determination.
Variety
Having some variety, some things I'll really focus on for a month to get them established and adding on something else the following month, is going to help me keep motivated. I love variety, challenge, and having something to look forward to. That's going to help my New Year's resolutions last.
And you? What's going to help you create and act upon your New Year's resolutions so that they do last? Does creating smart goals help? How about a collage or a some sort of tangible picture of your goals? What about using inspiring quotes? Does having 30 day goals work for you or would it be better to focus on a small number for the year? I'd love to hear your comments!!
Posted on Tue, Dec 27, 2011
2011 is coming to an end. I'd like to share my most popular posts with you and invite your comments!
Relationship Advice
Lots of people want help in making their relationships better. Whether that's through a couple's counselling retreat, couple's counselling, or reading blog posts like mine, couples are motivated to re-connect in more meaningful ways.
Rebuilding Your Relationship: Rediscovering Love and Connection invites you to focus on your relationship by creating meaningful time together regularly. I also talk about intimacy in relationships and the importance of going to the horizontal disco!
Couple Time 101: Deepening Your Friendship also talks about intimacy as well as getting to know each other again. I invite you to think about what you really like about one another and to talk about your values and goals.
Couple's Counselling Retreat in Banff invites you to imagine what a retreat in Banff would be like. I talk about both the retreat days and what you might do during your off-time. It's a retreat in the finest sense of the word!
Anxiety and Depression Tools
Finding Meaning in Life When You're Feeling Depressed shares the story of an amazing man, Viktor Frankl, a Jewish psychiatrist who was a prisoner of war during World War II. Through his search for meaning, I invite you to find meaning in your own life.
Worry or Anxiety Be Gone!: Mindfulness Now walks you through a powerful and simple exercise to bring you back to the here and now. It's something that can be done anytime and anywhere and is easy to do.
Mindfulness Exercises invites you to consider a number of ways you could become more mindful in your day-to-day life.
It's All in Your Head-No Wait!-Your Guts-Or?: Rethinking Depression talks about the connection between our diet and our mental health. There's a powerful connection that we often don't take time to think about.
Bullying
I've written a couple of articles about bullying--both for children and for adults.
Taking the Fun out of Bullying talks about children's bullying by giving you some information about it and introducing some strategies.
Speaking Up About Workplace Bullying talks about who tends to get bullied and invites you to consider ways you can speak up.
Avalanche Rescue
In the spring, I spoke at the Canadian Avalanche Association Conference about Avalanche Rescue: The Impact of Natural Disasters. This article highlights CISD or Critical Incident Stress Management, a tool that is sometimes used to help people involved in avalanche rescue.
Stay tuned for more in 2012!!